So, my two best friends J and E, both recently let me know that they are essentially atheists. They both came to me cautiosly, gingerly, so as to what? Not hurt my feelings or fragile beliefs?
Both of these men, among the smartest and most thoughtful (the two don't always go together) I've ever met, have each gained a certain amount of clarity in their lives, and they want to share it. Evangalists for... Well that's just it. While I disagree with my mates on their conclusions, I wholeheartedly agree and advocate their commitment to truth as they see it.
These conversations that I'm having with the guys sort of put me in the place of apologist. They aren't putting me there I know, E even said he go to my church someday, but that is the place I find myself. I've neevr really had, as an Episcopalian, had to defend my beliefs. I think it comes down to my firmly believing (even typing that word is hard because of the current connotations surrounding that word) that the Universe is biased towards wholeness (God). That wholeness wants to be intimately, personally, involved with us (Jesus Christ, not Jesus. Jesus Christ) And that we have an access to that wholeness on a personal and even global level (the Holy Spirit).
Maybe all this won't add up under the logical scrutiny of Richard Dawkins, who I really like, but it works for me. How freaking liberal!
In summary, I will quote my daughter. Last night when she was going to bed she told the lovely wife, "I want to say God." Meaning she wanted to pray...look there, I'm already putting limits on her spiritual experience. But she wanted to do something about God. She wanted a response to God. There is no thought about this, but an urging, a sense of being impelled. So I guess I want to just say God.